


To the one I hurt the most

by Pab0panda



Series: Chanbaek [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BaekYeol - Freeform, Bullying, CEO, CEO Park Chanyeol, ChanBaek - Freeform, Drama, First Love, Fluff, M/M, Revenge, Romance, Short One Shot, Short Story, Smut, Two Shot, Yaoi, kpop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 21:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19472851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pab0panda/pseuds/Pab0panda
Summary: When his ex - Byun Baekhyun - shows up after years, begging for forgiveness, Park Chanyeol - a successful CEO - decides it's time for his revenge.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first short story, so please go easy on me.  
> I'd be very thankful for any feedback.   
> I hope you'll enjoy the story.

Karma is a bitch. And the bitch got him. Byun Baekhyun.

Taking a deep breath, gathering all his courage, Baekhyun pushes himself through the entrance. He enters the huge building with one single purpose in mind: apologizing to Park Chanyeol, his ex – the one he hurt badly years ago. He can already imagine how awkward their reunion would be. Chanyeol has changed a lot. Back when they were together, back in high school, Chanyeol was a nerd, always wearing those ugly glasses and those big hoodies. The current Park Chanyeol is a bigger nerd but a successful one. It’s the age of computer nerds after all. The nerd you bully at school will become the one to rule the world. As for Park Chanyeol, he isn’t only the founder of Korean most popular social media apps. He has also learned to become a businessman. The press calls him the Korean Mark Zuckerberg and Baekhyun couldn’t agree less.

“Do you have an appointment?” The young receptionist responds to Baekhyun’s request to see Chanyeol.

“I don’t. But can you please tell him that Byun Baekhyun is here? We are old friends.”

“Sir, I’m afraid I can’t do that. You can wait here though. Mr. Park usually arrives at 9 o’clock. If he knows…”

“If he gives the “OK”, I’ll make an appointment for you,” she corrects herself, trying not to sound rude. Baekhyun doesn’t take it as an insult though. She’s just doing her job and as popular as Chanyeol has become, there would be plenty of people claiming to be his friends.

Nodded, Baekhyun sits down on the white couch in the waiting area. Just now he notices how impressed he is by the building. Its design is modern, and it gets a touch of the Western style. The entrance leads to a huge foyer with three waiting areas, each as comfortable as the other. Each waiting area has its own color: gold, blue and white. Baekhyun chose the white one since it was the nearest to the entrance.

_“9 o’clock my ass,”_ Baekhyun thinks, looking at his watch. It’s almost 12 o’clock. He has been waiting for three hours now. This must be one of those privileges to be your own boss.

**12:13**

Finally, Chanyeol enters the building. To be honest, Baekhyun is quite disappointed. After 3 hours of waiting, having nothing to do, Baekhyun imagined all possible ways how the CEO would appear. Baekhyun played all the scenes in his mind as if he was directing a movie. However, Chanyeol’s entrance is anything but dramatic. He just walks in like any other people, except he is escorted by three bodyguards.

Well, real life isn’t any K-drama after all.

“Chanyeollie,” Baekhyun calls, approaching the young CEO, only to be stopped by Chanyeol’s bodyguards. Immediately, Chanyeol recognizes Baekhyun’s voice. After all these years, he still couldn’t forget that sweet voice and the way Baekhyun says his name. “Chanyeollie”. No one calls him that. Only him. Byun Baekhyun. Unknowingly, Chanyeol grabs his left wrist. Words couldn’t describe the mixed emotions Chanyeol was feeling right now. Damn it, how is he finding words to describe when he doesn’t even know what he is feeling?

“Chanyeollie, it’s me. Can we please talk?” Baekhyun tries again.

“You know him, sir?” One of the bodyguards asks. Chanyeol nods slightly, causing the men to allow Baekhyun coming near. Still, they stand between the two.

“I have no say.” Chanyeol refuses.

“Then at least hear me out.”

“Whatever you want to say, I don’t want to hear it,” Chanyeol states clearly.

“Chanyeol, it’s very important to me… _please_ ,” begs Baekhyun. Chanyeol clenches his teeth. It’s “me” again. It has always been about himself, Byun Baekhyun, and it’ll always be. Baekhyun is a narcist. Chanyeol has accepted that fact years ago.

“Go to hell, Byun Baekhyun. I never want to see you again.” Chanyeol snaps.

“Chanyeol, please.” Baekhyun tries again as Chanyeol turns his back, leaving.

“I’ll wait until you listen to me,” Baekhyun shouts after the CEO who disappears in the elevator.

“Should we kick him out?” Chanyeol’s bodyguard asks.

“No, I want to see how long he can wait,” Chanyeol replies.

Arrived at his office, the first thing he does was turning on the CCTV, checking the foyer. He isn’t surprised that Baekhyun is still waiting for him. That’s the Byun Baekhyun he knew. Stubborn to death. He used to love this characteristic of Baekhyun. But now, all he feels is hate.

Chanyeol clicks the mouse and zooms in. He has never thought that it’d really pay off to install HD-cameras in his building. But today, he’s glad he did. Baekhyun is now clear to see on the monitor. The smaller male just sits there, watching people coming out of the elevator. Every time the doors opens and someone other than Chanyeol comes out, Chanyeol believes he could see Baekhyun’s disappointment.

Getting back to work, Chanyeol tries to hold a meeting with his staffs. Yet, while his body is there, his mind is absent. Therefore, the meeting seems so horribly long today. As soon as the staffs leave, he checks on Baekhyun again, expecting his ex to be gone. Yet, there he is, still sitting on that couch, watching people coming out of that damned elevator. Chanyeol notices Baekhyun biting his nails. He still remembers that’s what Baekhyun does when he gets impatient. Some things never change, he thinks with a smile on his lips which he isn’t aware of. Chanyeol grabs the telephone and calls the receptionist, asking how long Baekhyun has been there. It shocks him to know Baekhyun has been waiting since this morning. That means he has been waiting for over 5 hours.

_“Did he take a break?” “Did he eat something?” “Did he get something to drink?”_

There are so many questions he wants to ask. But how do you do that without sounding like a lunatic stalker? Instead, Chanyeol plays cool and tells the young receptionist to bring Baekhyun some water, as he finds out Baekhyun hasn’t drink anything the whole day.

_“He knows he’ll get headaches when he doesn’t drink enough. Why doesn’t he take care?”_

At that moment Chanyeol realizes that deep down he still feels something for that person who hurt him deadly. _Almost_.

Chanyeol pulls up his sleeve, releasing a scar on his wrist. He remembers that day he thought death was the only way to escape all the pains. That day he felt like he couldn’t breathe anymore. He couldn’t live without Baekhyun. Yet, at the same moment, he hated Baekhyun to death. He could imagine bringing his hands to Baekhyun’s neck and strangles the life out of his first love. He couldn’t bear the hate but also the love he was feeling at the same time. And that night, he had enough. He was just tired, and he just wanted to sleep. He just wanted peace. He just didn’t want to think about how his family… how his sister will react anymore. He just didn’t want to think anymore. He just didn’t want to wake up the next day, forcing a smile, telling people he was fine when he was not. He just wished tomorrow wouldn’t come. With that thought in mind, he deepened the knife on his skin, letting the blades sink into his flesh.

Thinking of his past reminds Chanyeol of how much he hates Byun Baekhyun. That Park Chanyeol was weak. But that Park Chanyeol was the past. The new Park Chanyeol learned how to love himself. He learned to treasure life. He learned to enjoy the little things. He learned to let go. And this is the moment to prove it.

Turning off the CCTV, Chanyeol goes back to work. He tells himself not to check the cameras and he made it. Still, he stays longer in his office as if he’s afraid Baekhyun would still be waiting. Just to make sure he wouldn’t bump into Baekhyun again.

Yet, he was wrong. Baekhyun is still waiting. Looking at his watch, Chanyeol couldn’t believe it was past 10 pm. Baekhyun has been waiting for 12 hours. A wave of guilt hits him, but he forces himself not to look at Baekhyun as he leaves the building. Walking past his ex, he could feel Baekhyun’s eyes on him. A part of him wants to embrace the small male while a part of him just wants to run away. Getting into his car, he can see Baekhyun following him, keeping a distance but still waiting for him to turn back. But Chanyeol doesn’t look back. This Park Chanyeol wouldn’t look back… not even for one second.

That night Chanyeol doesn’t sleep. The day was so crazy, it felt like a dream and Chanyeol isn’t sure if it was a lovely dream or a nightmare. The next day comes and never has he been so nervous going to work. He knows Baekhyun wouldn’t be there again and he would never admit it, but a part of him, just a small part of him is hoping to see Baekhyun again.

And to his luck or bad luck, there he is. Baekhyun is once again waiting for him.

“Chanyeollie,” the small male just calls his name and Chanyeol almost gives in. Taking a deep breath Chanyeol tells himself that he needs to be on guard. Byun Baekhyun is still his weakness. He can never forget that.

“Please, listen to me. Just 5 minutes. I just want to apologize.”

“You can take your apologies and go to hell,” Chanyeol says through clenched teeth.

“Please, Chanyeollie,” Baekhyun begs again.

“You’re wasting your time. I’ll never forgive you. Accept it. You’ll have to live with your mistake and its consequences. The day you die, you’ll die knowing you’re not forgiven.” The moment those words leave his mouth, Chanyeol knows he was too harsh. Years have passed and still, Chanyeol still recognizes it - the moment before Baekhyun would burst into tears. Baekhyun’s under lips are trembling. His eyes turn red and his hands are shaking.

“I’ll die knowing I tried to make it up to you,” Baekhyun whispers. Chanyeol knows this way of Baekhyun talking. He remembers Baekhyun would whispers when he wants to hold back his crying.

“See you tomorrow, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun whispers again before turning away. Chanyeol demands himself not to care but he knows it. He doesn’t see it, but he knows it. Baekhyun is crying.

Baekhyun keeps his word. He appears again the next day. And the day after. And the day after…

Chanyeol keeps his word. He ignores Baekhyun the next day. And the day after. And the day after…

Still, piece by piece Baekhyun changes Chanyeol’s daily routine. Chanyeol starts to check the CCTV every time he gets the chance to. He starts to go home earlier, just so Baekhyun could go home earlier too. He starts to think of weekdays as “Baekhyun-days” and weekends as “None-Baekhyun-days.” Well, with one exception. Friday is also a None-Baekhyun-day. Chanyeol wonders why Baekhyun has so many free times to stalk him. And he wonders why Baekhyun never shows up on Fridays. Does he only work on Fridays? What kind of job would that be? Where is he on Fridays?

Chanyeol has gotten a lot of things to wonder since that person messes up his life once again. But Chanyeol isn’t going to ask. It’s been a month now and things haven’t changed. Baekhyun’s patience and determination amaze him. Baekhyun has changed a lot when it comes to patience. The old Baekhyun wouldn’t even wait to buy ice cream when there are more than 3 people waiting. The old Baekhyun would never admit his mistakes. The old Baekhyun would rather die than apologize. _Maybe Baekhyun has changed?_

\-----------------------

After his business trip that lasted for 3 weeks, the first day back to his office is a relief. Almost like being home. To be fair his office is his second home anyway. Going through the daily routine and seeing the familiar faces are comforting him. And without knowing it, the sigh of Baekhyun at the entrance has become a routine that he doesn’t hate that much. After 3 weeks, seeing Baekhyun again is … he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to feel. He tells himself he hates that person. But why didn’t he tell the security to blacklist Baekhyun in the first place?

If he doesn’t want to see that face, he can find a way. _But he didn’t._

If he wants real peace, he would have forgiven Baekhyun. Or he could have faked forgiveness. _But he didn’t._

Either way, he could have gotten rid of Byun Baekhyun. _But he didn’t._

Out of the eye corner, Chanyeol sees Baekhyun. Immediately, he notices changes on Baekhyun. The small male lost a lot of weights. How is it possible for a slim person to lose more weights? And Baekhyun has started wearing a cap every day. He wears it the whole day even though he was inside the building. Day by day Baekhyun seems to lose weights every time Chanyeol sees him. He looks pale and tired. Chanyeol realizes Baekhyun wouldn’t last long. He barely eats or drinks, waiting for Chanyeol the whole day. Chanyeol knows Baekhyun would give up soon. The old Baekhyun wouldn’t even try.

Chanyeol is about to rethink this game. Maybe he should hear Baekhyun out.

The next Friday is a surprise as Chanyeol notices Baekhyun. He didn’t expect to see the small male today.

“Chanyeol, can we please end this theater?” Baekhyun calls through the distance. Chanyeol was soft yesterday. And still, as soon as Baekhyun talks to him, he chooses to activate the shield to his heart.

“Please,” Baekhyun pleads once again.

“You can apologize all you want. Saying sorry can’t undo your sins. I almost gave up my life when it’s _you_ who deserve death.”

By that Baekhyun bites on his lower lips so hard it bleeds. A tear escapes from his eye as soon as Chanyeol turns his back to him, leaving. He stares at Chanyeol until the tall man is out of sight, knowing it is his last chance to see Chanyeol. Taking a deep breath, he goes to the young receptionist who has become a friend to him. They don’t always talk since Baekhyun doesn’t want to disturb her. But she encouraged him, telling him not to give up. And that means a lot to him.

“Can you please give this to Chanyeol?” Baekhyun hands over a letter.

“Sure. But don’t you want to give it to him personally?” She asks.

“I don’t think I’ll get the chance to,” Baekhyun replies, forcing a smile.

“What do you mean?”

“Thank you for being so nice to me. I appreciate it, I really do. Please take care of Chanyeol.” Baekhyun says his farewell and heads to the exits, knowing it’ll be the last time leaving this building.

Once again Chanyeol checks the CCTV but this time he doesn’t expect to find the white couch empty. Did Baekhyun give up? Was that his farewell and Chanyeol didn’t notice it? Did he break Byun Baekhyun? Did he win this sick game?

“Mr. Park.” On his way home, Chanyeol stops as the young receptionist calls his name.

“Mr. Byun asked me to give you this,” she said, handing Chanyeol the letter.

“Throw it away,” he orders.

_“Well played, Byun Baekhyun. But not on my watch,”_ Chanyeol thought. He won’t make it easy for this man.

Chanyeol doesn’t want any of Baekhyun’s lame excuses, neither spoken or written. And he’ll tell Baekhyun that when he sees Baekhyun tomorrow. But tomorrow never comes. That was the last time he saw Byun Baekhyun in this foyer. Since that day Baekhyun hasn’t shown up again. As suddenly as he came, as suddenly did Baekhyun leave his life again.

It’s weird when the old daily routine that you had for years suddenly become something that takes getting used too. Waking up, going to work isn't something he awaits anymore. Checking the CCTV isn’t needed anymore. Life has just become boring again. Chanyeol wouldn’t say it out loud, but he wants to know what happened? Did Baekhyun give up for real? Did Chanyeol break that stubborn egoist? What did Baekhyun want to say? Could Baekhyun have changed his mind? There are days Chanyeol wakes up and he wonders what was written in that letter? Was it a mistake to throw it away?

“Mr. Park,” the receptionist’s voice wakes up Chanyeol from his daydream. He has been standing in the foyer, staring at the empty couch where Baekhyun used to sit.

“Good morning,” he greets.

“Can I please talk to you for a moment?”

“Of course.”

“I know I’m supposed to throw it away. But I thought you should read it,” she says, handing over a letter. Chanyeol immediately recognizes it. Baekhyun’s letter.

At this point, Chanyeol doesn’t want to fight back his pride anymore. He doesn’t want to fight back the instinct that tells him never to get involved in Byun Baekhyun again. He just wants to shut his mind up and read the damned letter.

_“Dear Chanyeollie,_

_if you’re reading this, then I failed to apologize to you, didn’t I?_

_I wish I could have told you this face to face, but I’m afraid we’ll never meet again._  
There are so many things I wanted to tell you but none of it matters anymore.  
I tried to find excuses... for you but more likely for myself. I told myself I was too young. That I didn’t know better.  
But the truth was, I was just an idiot ... and an ass.  
When I heard about what you did because of me, I was a coward. It was easier to run away.  
I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to stay. I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to tell you how much I regretted my actions.  
If I could go back in time, I would take all the pains for you.

_You were right. I’ll die knowing that you hate me… that you didn’t forgive me. And I deserve it. But I wish I could have taken away your hate for me. Because as bad as it is to be hated. Hating someone is worse, isn’t it? I’m sorry I made you._

_It might take months or years or even longer for you to forgive me. And I won’t be able to witness it, but still, I hope you can let go of that terrible feeling of hatred because you deserve nothing but happiness._

_I wish you all the best in life. Please be happy, Chanyeollie._

_I’m sorry I fucked up again. I will make it up to you in the next life._

_Byun Baekhyun”_

Only as a tear lands on the paper, Chanyeol notices he’s crying. Those words, why do they sound like Baekhyun’s farewell?

“Mr. Park, there is one more thing." The young woman says, and Chanyeol holds in his breath, sensing more bad news to come.

**To be continued  
(Or not. You decide ^^) **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys know what happened to Baekkie. I just know that. We have read too many fanfics to know when shits get real. I hope you liked this chapter and will enjoy the ending too.  
> If you like an open ending, you can stop here though :)


	2. The Ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read this BEFORE you read the chapter. 
> 
> 1\. I realized that this chapter sucks. It's like when a great movie drops a sequel and you get disappointed by it. So read this chapter on your own risk. Because seriously, I should have ended the story in part one. I mean the letter wasn't such a bad open ending, right? 
> 
> 2\. You might expect Part 2 to be very sad. Well, turns out: it's not. Because Le me is not good with Le emotion. 
> 
> 3\. This chapter is rated, not because of smut but because of the circumstances in which the none-existing smut is supposed to be. (I'll go to hell for this but ya'll reading it, so see ya'll in hell muahaha.)

The day Baekhyun got his diagnose was one of the worst days of his life. All the things he hasn’t done. All the things he has endured until this point. None of them matters anymore. First, he was mad. Then, he was sad. Then, he felt betrayed by fate. One of the worst things about dying is that you start rethinking your whole life. That’s when Baekhyun realizes he fucked up. He hasn’t done anything he could be proud of. He doesn’t have anyone. Until now he hasn’t realized how lonely he has been his whole time. His grandma died three years ago, followed by his mother two years later. An overdose. He doesn’t even know who his father is. He doesn’t have a partner who loves him longer than one night. But he isn’t blaming them. You get what you give. He doesn’t “love” them either, so why would he expect more?

As he thinks of love, as cheesy as it sounds, only one face appears in his mind. Park Chanyeol. That nerdy boy with his ugly glasses and his big hoodies. Still, Chanyeol looked great with those ugly glasses and those big hoodies. Park Chanyeol was a nerd. But he was Baekhyun’s nerd.

Baekhyun hasn’t thought of Chanyeol for years. He didn’t like to think about his high school time. To be exact, he didn’t like to think about Park Chanyeol. The boy reminds him of his biggest mistakes. Park Chanyeol reminds him of his worst. But as he realized the next months might be his last months in this world, all he could think about was Chanyeol, the one he hurt deadly. _Almost_.

Then he gets it. It’s karma. He’s getting what he deserves.

He almost took someone’s life. Now karma is after his.

Karma is a bitch, and the bitch isn’t joking.

Baekhyun remembers a story his grandmother told him years ago. He doesn’t remember it word for word. But it was about a young man who loved a woman more than anything. However, she married another man. On her wedding day, he was so heartbroken he cried until his tears dried. When a Buddhist monk passed by, he asked the old man why fate wasn’t on his side. Why wasn’t he allowed to be with her when he loved her so much? To answer, the monk showed him their past life. The woman he loved lay on the street side. Dead. Even though many people passed by, no one did anything. Until he came. He carefully covered her up and paid her respect.

‘I did the right thing, didn’t I? Why were we still not mean for each other?’

‘Patience,’ said the monk. And they waited. Until the next day, a young man passed by. Seeing the woman on the ground, he dug a grave and laid her down with all gentleness. As the sun went down, he prayed for her soul and left.

‘You covered her up, but he buried her. That’s why.’ The monk explained.

 _“Good things or bad things, they happen for a reason. Do good and good will follow you.”_ His grandma used to say. He should have listened to her better.

_“Do good and good will follow you.”_

That implies _“Do bad and bad will follow you as well.”_ Doesn’t it?

Before he dies he needs to apologize. Damn it. It doesn’t matter if Chanyeol will forgive him or not. He just needs Chanyeol to know that he regrets what he did. How could he hurt someone as pure as Chanyeol? Baekhyun realizes that only a monster would do that. He realizes the day he dies there will be one monster less in this world.

\--------------------------------------------------

“Mr. Park, there is one more thing." The young receptionist says, and Chanyeol holds in his breath, sensing more bad news to come.

“It was hard not to notice a few things when Mr. Byun sat here for hours every day. Maybe you have noticed him losing weights lately. But you’re always too far away from him, you might not notice him losing his hair. It was barely to see under that cap, was it? Mr. Park, I know it’s none of my business, but I have seen those symptoms before on my father…” She sighed.

“He passed away last year because of liver cancer. I don’t wish to be right but if I am, I think you should know it.” 

Back in his office, finally behind the closed door, Chanyeol gasps for air. The pressure in his chest grows, hindering him from breathing. The memories of Baekhyun waiting for him day by day suddenly appear differently. Baekhyun must have felt terrible the whole time. Why didn’t he say a word? Oh, wait, Chanyeol wouldn’t have listened. Realizing Baekhyun’s condition, Chanyeol can’t help but feel like he was torturing the smaller male all those times. Yes, there were some points in his life this would have been all he wished for. But this is not how he expected it to feel like. The thought of Baekhyun suffering doesn’t give him any satisfaction. In contrast, it feels like a blade that cuts every part of his skin. Considering Chanyeol has first-hand knowledge of the pains a blade could cause. Movies tend to romanticize suicides. But the fact is that the artery is deeper than most people think. Therefore, when you slit your wrist, you won’t lean back and watch it bleeds. No, you’ll be a mess, crying out in pain. Because cutting your wrist hurts like hell. Until today Chanyeol has made sure he’d never forgotten the pain he felt that day. Just so he would never try to do something so stupid again. Yet, what he’s feeling right now is a thousand times worse. Regrets hit him so hard it hurts physically.

_“Go to hell, Byun Baekhyun.”_

_“You can take your apologies and go to hell.”_

_“I almost gave up my life when it’s you who deserve death.”_

_“The day you die, you’ll die knowing you’re not forgiven.”_

Chanyeol’s hand forms a fist as he throws punches on his own chest. If he knew what Baekhyun was going through, he wouldn’t have said such cruel things. No, he shouldn’t have said it at all. Out of all people, he should have known how much words can hurt.

 _“I’ll die knowing I tried to make it up to you.”_ Baekhyun’s voice repeats in his head. He would never forgive himself if Baekhyun di… leaves this world.

If this nightmare is true, then Baekhyun spent his last days waiting for him, only to be rejected. Chanyeol tries his best to remember his last words to Baekhyun.

_“You can apologize all you want. Saying sorry can’t undo your sins. I almost gave up my life when it’s you who deserve death.”_

Chanyeol can't hold back his tears anymore as his own words play repeatedly in his head.

 _“_ _It’s you who deserve death.”_ That can’t be the last thing he said to Baekhyun. He can’t let that happen. He just can’t.

\--------------------------------------------------

Chanyeol growls in frustration. He should have hacked Baekhyun’s phone when he got the chance too. It’d make it much easier to find the smaller male. Chanyeol barely sleeps anymore. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Baekhyun crying. After all these years, that’s still his Achilles' heel. Instead of sleeping he stares at that letter. Baekhyun’s letter. Every time Chanyeol rereads it, his heart breaks a little more. Every time, Baekhyun’s words sound more and more like a farewell. Chanyeol imagines how Baekhyun wrote the letter. Did he cry while writing this? Because when Chanyeol reads it, he can hear Baekhyun’s voice. He can see Baekhyun struggling to form the words, with tears in his eyes.

At times like this Chanyeol's just glad he was a wealthy man with great connections. It takes him only two days to find Baekhyun. And yet those two days felt like decades. Looking for Baekhyun, Chanyeol was fearing the worst while hoping for the best. As he finally finds Baekhyun in the university hospital – in the oncology ward, his nightmare is confirmed.

This isn’t the reunion he wanted. As much as he thought he hates the small male, this isn’t what he wishes for. The sight of Baekhyun - lying on that bed motionlessly with an IV line leading to his arm - is killing Chanyeol. Baekhyun hates needles. It must have been a fight to inject that catheter in his arm. And Baekhyun loses weights again, causing him to look smaller than he actually is. The nurse said Baekhyun was just sleeping, but his expression is full of pain. Why couldn’t they give him some medicines that work? At least he should be able to sleep in peace. As Chanyeol comes closer, he notices the yellowing of Baekhyun’s skin. That’s the moment he understands the gravity of the situation.

He’s losing Baekhyun… _again_.

Funny how the thought of losing this person can immediately put him in tears while not long ago, he just wanted that person to walk out of his life.

\--------------------------------------------------

Baekhyun wakes up with a stomachache, barely feeling any energy in his body. How is it possible for him to sleep the whole day and still be so tired? He checks his phone for the time, knowing there won’t be any missed calls or messages.

16:17

As he thought, he slept the whole day. Sitting up, he tries to recall the dream he had. He only remembers hearing Chanyeol’s voice but not what he dreamed. It was one of those dreams you forget right away as soon as you’re awake. Such a shame, Baekhyun assumes it was a beautiful dream. Maybe it was one of their memories back in high school. Before everything collapsed. Before he messed up.

Baekhyun removes the IV line and gathers all his strength to stand up. He wants to go for a walk before the sun sets – even if it’s just the hospital garden. He wants to feel the sunlight on his skin… as long as he still can. Unfortunately, just after one step outside of his room, he bumps into someone so hard, he falls to the ground. He can't blame the other person though. Lately, it has been hard for him to keep balance. The collision probably wasn’t even that hard.

“Oh shit, sorry. You ok?” His “accident victim” asks full of worries and within a second Baekhyun recognizes that deep voice.

“Chanyeollie?” Baekhyun raises his head. And there he is, Park Chanyeol, the last person Baekhyun expects to see. Is this even real? Maybe he’s high. Did they give him morphine?

“Are you hurt?” Chanyeol asks again as he pulled the smaller male up. The physical contact shows Baekhyun he isn’t hallucinating.

“No,” he replies before asking, “what are you doing here? You aren’t sick, are you?”

“Are you seriously worried about me? When you’re like this?” Chanyeol questions back.

“You know?” Baekhyun asks, lowering his head.

“What the fuck, Byun Baekhyun. You can’t just leave a letter like that and then disappear.” Chanyeol almost yelled, but he remembers they are in a hospital.

“I wanted to say goodbye, but you weren’t ready to listen,” Baekhyun explains.

“Well, here I am, and… I forgive you.” Chanyeol announces straightforwardly.

“Why?” Baekhyun let out a bitter laughter. “Because I have cancer? Because you’re pitying me?”

 _“I forgive you.”_ That’s all he has wanted for so long. But it’s nothing when Chanyeol doesn’t mean it.

“It’s no pity, Baekhyun.” Chanyeol corrects his ex.

“Then why are you like this when you’re supposed to be mad?” Baekhyun raised his voice. Chanyeol froze at Baekhyun’s sudden outburst.

“Punch me.” Baekhyun snaps.

“What?” Chanyeol frowns.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to beat the shit out of me,” Baekhyun speaks, and he knows he’s right. After all the pains he caused, Chanyeol should finally get his revenge.

“I’m not going to.” Chanyeol states.

“Why not? Don’t you remember what I did to you?” Baekhyun asks in disbelieve. “Because of me, you got bullied in high school. Because of me, you were hurt. Do it. Take your revenge.”

“I’m not going to hit you.”

“Do you think I can’t take it? Because I’m oh so weak?”

“What were you called because of my lies? A faggot? A pervert? A _rapist_?” Baekhyun doesn't know why he tries so hard to provoke the tall male. Maybe he wants to be punished. Maybe he can pay back in this life instead of carrying his sins to the next one. What would heaven have in store for a coward who lied about being forced when he was caught making love with his secret boyfriend? Korean isn’t a tolerated country for gay couples now. Imagine how it was eight years ago. 

“Damn it, Chanyeol. Because of me, you’re abandoned by your father. Because of me, you did _this_.” Baekhyun yells, pulling up Chanyeol’s sleeve to expose the scar on the taller male’s wrist.

“Stop it, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol begs.

“Hit me, you coward,” Baekhyun demands while he’s the one throwing punches on Chanyeol’s shoulders. Losing his temper, Chanyeol grabs Baekhyun’s upper arm, dragging the small one back in the room, and slams the door behind them.

“You want to make it up?” Chanyeol hisses. His hand forms a fist. His chest’s moving up and down with every breath.

Noticing it, Baekhyun provokes again. “Do it. Are you a man or not?”

By that Chanyeol pushes him against the door, letting the smaller male no place to hide and no way to escape.

But Baekhyun didn’t think of escaping.

“Do it,” he whispers. As Chanyeol raises his fist, Baekhyun shuts his eyes. The next second, he flinches at the sudden loud noise right next to ear and Chanyeol’s growling in pain. Immediately he knows Chanyeol punches the door… hardly. Yet, before he could open his eyes, a pair of lips crash his own, and he felt Chanyeol’s both hands on his neck as if they want to hinder him from turning his head away. But he didn’t want to turn away. Instead, Baekhyun parts his lips, allowing Chanyeol to slip in his tongue. Baekhyun realizes Chanyeol has become a great kisser. This Park Chanyeol has changed a lot. As they pull away to catch their breath, Baekhyun asks confusingly. 

“Chanyeol, what …?” Baekhyun tries to figure out the awkward situation he finds himself in, but before he could finish the sentence, Chanyeol interrupts with another passionate kiss.

“You said you want to make it up?” Chanyeol says under his breath. “Then do it.”

“Make it up to me,” the taller male whispered in Baekhyun’s ear while taking off his suit jacket.

“Make it up to me, Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol leans in, and Baekhyun can feel his heart races. His breathing speeds up. His shaking hands search for the door lock. And when Chanyeol hears the “click”, he takes it as an agreement.

\--------------------------------------------------

As Baekhyun opens his eyes, it’s already the next day and Chanyeol is nowhere to find. Even though he wishes Chanyeol would stay after last night, he isn’t surprised. But hurt he still is. “Chanyeollie,” he whispers into the pillow, allowing the tears to break free. He is all alone… again. There is no one by his side. Thus, there is no reason to hold back tears. No reason to hide his pain. Pulling the cover over his head, Baekhyun cries his heart out.

Then, something touches his shoulder over the blanket and Baekhyun flinches in fear.

“Baekhyunie,” Chanyeol’s gentle voice brings Baekhyun out of the shell he made for himself out of fabrics. Wiping off his tears, Baekhyun sees the worried expression Chanyeol is wearing.

“I’m so sorry,” Chanyeol says, putting the foods on the table. He just went out to get Baekhyun some more eatable foods than the hospital meal. Surely, he didn’t expect this when he comes back.

“What are you apologizing for?” Baekhyun asks in confusion. His voice is still broken.

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what got into me. I didn’t want to force you. Really. I was… I don’t know. But it was wrong and I…”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun interrupts, grabbing Chanyeol’s hand. “I wanted it too.”

“You don’t have to say that. I shouldn’t have used your guilty to make you…”

“Chanyeol,” Baekhyun stops Chanyeol one more time. “Stop talking bullshits.”

“Baekhyunie, I…”

Baekhyun signals with his fingers, nonverbally asking Chanyeol to come closer. He’s so tired, even moving his fingers requires too much effort. Yet, as slight as his movement was, Chanyeol would always notice it. That’s what Baekhyun loved the most about his ex.

Baekhyun doesn't mean to whisper. Still, the words come out too quietly. “I’m so tired, Chanyeol. I don’t want to repeat it, so listen carefully. I wanted it too, ok?” Baekhyun explains with half-closed eyes. He just wants to go back to sleep. He doesn’t even notice his breathing slows itself.

But Chanyeol does.

Chanyeol notices how B’s chest moves slower with every breath. Chanyeol notices how Baekhyun’s grip on his hand loosens. Chanyeol notices Baekhyun is closing his eyes bit by bit.

“Baekhyunie,” Chanyeol calls out as he leans in, one hand on Baekhyun’s face while the other shakes the smaller male’s shoulder.

“Stay with me, Baekhyun.” His voice trembles. “Don’t you dare.”

 _“The day you die, you’ll die knowing you’re not forgiven,”_ Chanyeol recalls his own words. He doesn’t want to think of it. He doesn’t want it to feel real. He convinces himself Baekhyun isn’t dying. He isn’t losing his first love.

But what if he is?

“Baekhyun, I forgive you. Do you hear me? You are forgiven.” Chanyeol cries, hoping it isn’t too late, and a small smile appears on Baekhyun’s face before his eyes shut.

\--------------------------------------------------

Since that day Baekhyun hasn’t woken up. Since that day Chanyeol has come to the hospital every day, sitting next to his first love, taking Baekhyun’s hand to make sure the small male would know he’s not alone.

“I’ll wait until you wake up,” Chanyeol promises.

The doctor told him Baekhyun was lucky they found a new liver on time. Yet, all Chanyeol takes note of was Baekhyun’s coma.

“He will wake up.” The nurses encourage him, but the day Byun Baekhyun would come back to his life seems unreachable.

He should have forgiven Baekhyun sooner. He should have noticed Baekhyun’s pain sooner. He should have held that lonely human tight and never let go. All the things he should have done, he prays he’ll get the chance to catch up. 

_“…_ _you deserve nothing but happiness.”_ That’s what Baekhyun wrote.

“So do you,” Chanyeol tells the unconscious man. “You deserve happiness too. You deserve better than this.” 

\--------------------------------------------------

Bright lights dance on Baekhyun’s eyelids, waking him up. The first thing he felt – even before opening his eyes – was the warm sunlight on his skin. How he missed this feeling. Finally opening his eyes, Baekhyun is taken away by the beauty of the scene he sees. He finds himself in a fairylike bedroom that’s filled with sunlight thank to the giant windows which lead directly to the garden. Everything about this room screams “European royal palace” – its old-fashioned wall, its painted ceiling, its fancy chandelier, and its vintage decorations. This room is exactly how he’s imagined all the palaces he couldn’t visit to be. This place is so beautiful… _heavenly beautiful_.

 _“Why is he in heaven and not in hell?”_ Baekhyun wonders. He can't explain. Maybe he was spared because of that one time he helped that little lost girl finding her mom at the mall. Or maybe it’s that one time he called an ambulance for the homeless man who passed out due to heat stroke. Who knows?

Opened the ridiculous huge window or door, or whatever it was, Baekhyun enters the garden. As pretty as the room is, it’s nothing compared to this piece of nature. Walking barefoot on the grass and taking a deep breath, it amazes Baekhyun how great he feels. He feels _alive_. How ironic.

Baekhyun narrows his eyes, putting his right hand on his face to cover up his eyes, as he’s dazzled by the light at the end of the path. Baekhyun doesn’t get it. Why is he getting a light when he’s a born Buddhist?

 _“Death is so confusing,”_ he thought.

Yet, he should care less. He’s going in there. The light feels so warm and this scene is so lovely. In addition, he is dead. What’s the worst that can happen?

Piece by piece his eyes adjust to the brightness and a smile appears on his lips as he recognizes the person standing in the middle of it, smiling at him. 

“Chanyeollie,” he calls out, heading to his heaven.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did Baekkie die or not? You decide. I would love to know what you chose ^^  
> And if you want to know my ending, we can talk about it. I just don't want to post my opinion here to ruin everyone's own ending.


End file.
